What does vulnerability show? Where does its value come from? And what is the role of vulnerability in leadership?
The power and role of vulnerability in leadership. What does this mean? I recently experienced an episode that took me by surprise. A discussion in which I was going to collaboratively discuss a proposal to approach a project in which everything was agreed and we were just going to finalize the details when I woke up "taken on top"... At absolutely any idea I brought up for discussion or proposal that if I did, I would receive a negative counterargument and the assertion that it cannot work. We soon found ourselves deadlocked. There was so much tension there that the only way I could find was to express myself, honestly and without accusing anyone of anything, how I felt. I felt grounded. I chose at that moment to be as vulnerable as possible: my voice was shaking and I almost had tears in my eyes, and I realized that if I didn't say what I was experiencing and thinking, the only option I had would be to stand up and leave. It immediately became apparent that the man in front of me had violated a number of values that I hold dear, one of which is that we work together towards a common goal by collaborating. I formulated as calmly and politely as I could what I had to say about how I felt my values were violated. I talked about my surprise and aggression I felt, even at the risk of being labeled weak in that discussion. And things calmed down, and we both resumed the discussion from a different point.
I later reflected on what had happened. To the discomfort of the situation. To the question that kept ringing in my mind: what is the best thing to do in this situation? At the time, I felt anger that fueled my emotions. I felt vulnerable… And what's wrong with that?
Vulnerability is not a rule of social success instilled in us throughout life. But this is not something specifically Romanian: people all over the world, raise their children with the idea of being prepared for life, of being strong and not giving in easily in the face of difficulties. To mobilize and gather strength to overcome difficult situations. There are cultural nuances and some peoples are more optimistic and self-assured than others. We are under the umbrella of moderate pessimism, and the need to have strong and iron-fisted leaders.
Where does vulnerability come into the leadership equation
Society as a whole evolves and changes its development pace. At least the last thirty years have witnessed the exponential curve of technological development. All the usual rules of creating partnerships, of relating, the usual ways of doingbusiness and relating to your partners have fundamentally changed. Generations have changed and the way they are used to communicating and relating to each other. The need for empathy and trust-based relationships is emerging much morewith increasing complexity and speed of change. Because otherwise we can't cope. Stress levels have risen considerably. We are increasingly aware of the need to maintain adequate mental and emotional health in the environments in which we work. The orientation towards results and action is still there, but the way people connect to a common purpose seems to become much more important in the dynamics of life today.
The same dynamic greatly reduces the possibility that leaders will continue to have a monopoly on an organization's strategic vision and strategic options and solutions. The complexity is far too high to wait for a "hero" type leader. There are extensive studies done in organizations, on tens of thousands of respondents, in diverse cultures, not only in North America, but also in Europe, Australia and even Asia, which show that the skills most valued in those who lead teams and organizations are integrity, authenticity and personal vulnerability that the leader is able to show and that these ingredients maintain and attract people's trust and their willingness to collaborate and mobilize.
Being vulnerable in front of others and revealing how certain situations affect you, the emotions they generate, the doubts and dilemmas you have, is rather a matter of courage. This is because keeping people at a distance can be very comfortable, but letting them into your intimate space shows courage and trust in these people.
Often, in the development of leaders, we use an emotional capability profile. This is a profile that shows the ability to be aware of your own emotions and how they influence your decisions and interactions with those around you. It demonstrates the ability to self-regulate emotions in difficult moments and the ability to self-motivate and move forward, overcoming difficulties and showing resilience. The many years of experience in working with leaders and the overall analysis of these profiles show that, most of the time, at the level of leaders one invests in social and leadership skills, communication skills or conflict management models, but what makes a difference and really helps leaders in the leadership process is increasing their emotional awareness. Once you understand the emotions you experience and are able to relate to them without value judgment, without putting extra pressure on yourself or criticizing yourself and diminishing your own self-worth, your ability to receive feedback and giving feedback increases, the ability to make value-added decisions by taking risks, by ensuring collective commitment to actions, is greatly strengthened.
Vulnerability sometimes means admitting that you see things from a closed angle, admitting that you have personal fears and that you don't want to take certain risks. Being vulnerable means admitting that the stakes you place on certain actions are high for you and that you want to avoid a mistake. Vulnerability is having the courage to admit you were wrong. All this requires courage and does not represent weakness and gives extraordinary power to inspirational leadership, that is, to that leader who leads based on a role model. In executive coaching sessions, these aspects come to the fore because it is a psychological safety space. Can you imagine what psychological safety could create in our teams? How authentic could people be and how many hidden agendas could disappear by increasing the level of trust and collaboration?
What the power of vulnerability in organizations shows
A core skill of the vulnerable leader is knowing how to ask questions. This shows his willingness to gather insights and admit that he doesn't have all the answers. This kind of vulnerability stimulates people's creativity and engagement. Itcreates the great benefit of gathering as many perspectives as possible that can later be considered in decision-making processes.
Another very healthy process in team meetings, based on the leader's vulnerability, is the stage of accepting the questioning of his perspectives in a rigorous and organized way. We are used to using the term challenge in this aspect. It can be embedded in the team culture and people feel free to challenge their leaders because there is a large base of trust. This challenge can be introduced as a mandatory step in any kind of decision-making meeting to increase the quality of decisions regardless of who the ideas come from, including the team leader.
In executive coaching conversations, leaders often feel that some differences in perception attack their personal values, as I felt in the example I started this article with. Thus, it is important to question and clarify one's own values in order to determine what is acceptable and what isn't. This clarification allows you to be vulnerable and authentic.
A chapter worth exploring is our relationship with error and failure. Throughout life, we develop a set of beliefs that often limit us from allowing ourselves to be vulnerable because we don't allow ourselves to make mistakes, and the possibility of failure seems unacceptable to someone who leads a team or an organization. It is very easy to slip into defensiveness and enter into a justifying mechanism. This not only does not allow us to see other solutions and perspectives, but deepensthe idea that we are becoming powerless. We don't like that. It annoys us, and it activates our centers of a power that is not a generator of progress, but a generator of tension. The power of vulnerability instead helps us stop, breathe, step back and remember what our role is when we lead others, and listen. No fear of failure.
Courage begins when we show ourselves as we are and let others see us
- Brené Brown
Article published on life.ro